Katie Price's plastic surgery horror story

The warmest of welcomes back to undead glamazon Katie Price, who has emerged from a 37-second self-imposed exile to promote her new book.

It's always instructive to watch madam selecting which personal details to barter in exchange for publicity, but as she keeps informing us, she has become infinitely more reserved.

And so it was that this promotional tour's standout moment featured Katie merely hinting at a plastic surgery horror story so gruesome she decided it was de trop even for the tricoteuses of Loose Women.

"I would have thought going to America would be the best place," was all she would tell the ITV ladies of whatever botched procedure it might have been. "That they'd look after you well. But I would advise anyone not to go to America – always have it done in England. You can't beat the NHS."

Whether a George Osborne-fearing National Health Service is still offering an eyelift/dignity-o-plasty double bill we cannot say for sure. So let us merely bow out gracefully by pointing out that Katie was promoting You Only Live Once, her latest book about her life story. Although, as the fourth version of Katie's autobiography, You Only Live Once might reasonably be subtitled But You Fart Out A Book About It Every Bloody Year.