US Edition If the end of the world were nigh, how would you cope? Vic Strauffer, an American commentator and the self-styled 'goof on the roof', coped rather magnificently I think you'll agree.
He was recently calling a race from Hollywood Park, which is one of the courses closest to the notorious San Andreas fault, if not actually on it. When the runners were midway down the back 'stretch' during a fillies' race, the ground began to rumble, his eyrie on top of the grandstand started to wobble and, in the back of his mind, he must have reckoned this was the big one - that California was about to be rent asunder and chief among the fatalities would be the 'Goof.'
He first drew attention to the earthquake with a very matter-of-fact statement. "We are in the middle of an earthquake here in Southern Califonia," he said before returning to his call. The enormity of that then hit him.
"Lady Lucayan tries to slow it down. She leads by two and a half lengths. By the way folks, I'd like you know I love you all and that horse racing was my first love."
Pleasant Thunder then began making a move, which only served to remind him of his impending doom. "That wasn't thunder you heard, that was an earthquake. I've got to make this my greatest-ever call."
Up front, it was ding-dong. Lady Lucayan was being caught in the dying strides by the fast-finishing Pleasant Thunder, who had "come to win in a shaker." By this stage, Goof was clearly warming to his theme and, as they flashed past the post together, he reported that it was a photo. "And I don't know or care who won the photo," he concluded.
Wouldn't it be good if all commentators were so glad to be alive?
Dancing brave
York had its ground problems but they were nothing compared to the Glastonbury Festival, which, it seems, was well attended by racing folk. Trainer Charlie Egerton, a Glastonbury veteran, was spotted swinging in the front row to Van Morrison.
Chris Maude, the jockey-turned-jockeys' valet, who is used to cleaning up after a bit of mud, said: "It went from 'bottomless' to 'holding' to 'good to firm, holding in places' in 12 hours. Just like a point-to-point. I'm going to collect up all the flip-flops and come back in two years' time and set up a flip-flop market."
Jump jockey Joe Tizzard, whom I had down, wrongly, as more Wurzles than Coldplay, was there from Thursday evening until Sunday morning, when he packed up his tent and headed for Uttoxeter, where he had two rides. A country boy, he had the good sense to pitch his tent on top of the hill and, living only 20 minutes away, he snuck off home for a bath on Saturday morning.
Rupert Nuttall, who won the 1997 Whitbread Gold Cup as an amateur on Harwell Lad, has been one of the security contractors for the site for years so he is used to most things. But even he had his eyes opened at the weekend. He and his team pulled up three girls trying to get in at 3.00am claiming to be dancers who had forgotten their passes.
"Prove it," said Nuttall. The girls promptly stripped naked and one of them performed her act on the roof of Nuttall's tractor in the middle of the A37. They were immediately escorted into 'Los Vagueness', where they were due to perform later in the day.
In the frame
It has been well publicised but, just in case you've forgotten, the Stubbs exhibition, entitled 'Stubbs and The Horse' is on in the Sainsbury wing of the National Gallery from tomorrow until the end of September. It is the first exhibition of his work for 20 years.