Dame Kelly Holmes: I used to cut myself and even thought of suicide because the pressure to win was so great

  • 42-year-old said she could not cope with disappointment
  • Star never gave up in her search for sporting stardom

By Larisa Brown for the Daily Mail

Published: | Updated:


Dame Kelly Holmes has admitted she self- harmed in the run up to her becoming double Olympic gold champion.

The 42-year-old star said at one point she even considered committing suicide as she couldn’t cope with the disappointment of the possibility of not winning a medal.

Dame Kelly began cutting herself in the year before her remarkable double gold at the Athens Olympics in 2004.

Dame Kelly Holmes, who started cutting herself before she went on to win two golds at the Athens Olympics in 2004, is pictured here as she crosses the finish line of the 1500-metre final

Dame Kelly Holmes, who started cutting herself before she went on to win two golds at the Athens Olympics in 2004, is pictured here as she crosses the finish line of the 1500-metre final

Dame Kelly, who said she once considered suicide, is pictured here celebrating her gold medal in the women's 800m event in Athens

Dame Kelly, who said she once considered suicide, is pictured here celebrating her gold medal in the women's 800m event in Athens

But the Olympian said that despite the pressure, she never gave up in her search for sporting stardom.

The former British Army judo champion said in an interview with Piers Morgan, as reported by The People newspaper: ‘It was desperation. There were lows. Nobody would think someone as strong as me would go through that. I was in a complete and utter mess.’

She said she covered up the marks as she repeatedly injured herself at a training camp in France leading up to the world championships.

Asked whether she ever considered taking her own life, Dame Kelly replied: ‘At one stage, yeah. Because I could not cope with the disappointment.

Dame Kelly, pictured attending the closing ceremony of the London 2012 Paralympis, says she has self-harmed since retiring

Dame Kelly, pictured attending the closing ceremony of the London 2012 Paralympis, says she has self-harmed since retiring

Inspirational: Dame Kelly with diver Tom Daley, left and gymnast Beth Tweddle, right this summer

Inspirational: Dame Kelly with diver Tom Daley, left and gymnast Beth Tweddle, right this summer

‘The Olympics were the following year and it was my last chance.'

In an interview with Piers Morgan for his ITV1 show Life Stories this Friday, she says she still has the scars after suffering 23 injuries in the run-up to the Athens Games.

She says the pressure was enormous to win at the age of 34.

Dame Kelly, who won gold in the 800m and 1500m at Athens, also shocked the audience by admitting she had self-harmed since retiring – but refused to go into detail.

The star also spoke of her friendship with the Duchess of Cambridge after sitting by her at the women’s hockey at London 2012 – saying she now just calls her Kate.

Close: The Duchess of Cambridge and Dame Kelly Holmes watch the women's hockey

Close: The Duchess of Cambridge and Dame Kelly Holmes watch the women's hockey

She also revealed Tom Cruise once asked her out on a date after they met on chat show Parkinson.

But she turned down the invite to the premiere of his movie Collateral - and he ended up taking his then girlfriend Katie Holmes, who he went on to marry.

Her mother Pam did not want to be in the TV audience as she did not want to be reminded of the time she was forced to put her daughter into care.

Dame Kelly also said she did not want anything more to do with her natural father Derek, who she calls 'sperm donor' after he walked out on her when she was a baby.

She is not the first British Olympian to admit to self-harming.

Cyclist Victoria Pendleton, who shows her gold and silver medals from this year's Olympic games, has also admitted to self harming

Cyclist Victoria Pendleton, who shows her gold and silver medals from this year's Olympic games, has also admitted to self harming

Earlier this month Olympic cycling star Victoria Pendleton also admitted she was a victim.

She said the pressure to win and fear of failure led to her cutting her arms with a Swiss army knife until a ‘soothing numbness’ spread through her body.


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