Tate's on board, I ain't bothered

BORDERLINE controversy at FRIDAY NIGHT WITH JONATHAN ROSS, as Wossy took time out from telling his guests how lovely it was to meet them and had a dig at the BBC schedulers.

His beef was simple. Why have they moved DOCTOR WHO to 6.20pm?

On the evidence of last night's opener the answer is even simpler.

Because this show is looking more like a kids-only zone than ever before.

Fact is, David Tennant's rampant sideburns were far scarier than last night's aliens, the Adipose. Cute little Flumps-like blobs who were surely the brainchild of some BBC Worldwide bean-counter.

Because if there was a reason for their introduction other than the sound of Christmas toyshop tills ringing I'd love to hear it.

Screech

The reason for Catherine Tate's reintroduction is less clear. Not an unattractive woman. But in terms of bringing the dads in she's not exactly a Billie or a Freema.

And the really bad news is she's still shouting. Maybe not quite as loudly as she did during her Doc Who debut.

But my screechometer's needle was still going mental throughout, even during that scene where she only mouthed her words.

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And there's an even bigger problem. While it's not her fault she created some truly memorable sketch show characters, I'm never going to be able to watch her without fearing she could break into a "whadda fackin' liberty" or a "how very dare you?" at any given minute.

Admittedly, after one episode it's hard to judge whether her double act with David Tennant will work. But, given the number of times their little comedy interludes made my teeth hurt last night, I'm not holding out much hope.

Tennant's looking jaded as well. I know it was a ropey, "back of a fag packet" storyline but at times he looked like he was phoning his performance in from Gallifrey.

When he first joined he was a breath of fresh air. An excitable little puppy. Now he's looking even longer in the tooth than he is in the sideburn.

I'm not one of those people trying to put him down but perhaps it's time we started talkin' 'bout regeneration.

Still, a week's a short time in Doctor Who world and it hasn't escaped my attention that the next episode is set in the last days of Pompeii.

So that'll be 45 minutes of murder, mayhem and wild Roman orgies for sure.

Yeah, right.

Ten quid says it'll be more CBEEBIES than see boobies.

QUERY: Was it really necessary for a million humans to die so the baddie could collect enough excess fat to create all those Adipose?

A quick call to Vanessa Feltz, surely?

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Eel do anyfin

SOUND advice from Denise Van Outen for over-excited Ashley at I'D DO ANYTHING: "You have to learn to sit back on it a bit."

(A neat trick which has helped many an aspiring young actress land a West End role, so I'm told.)

Meanwhile an early contender for most distressing TV sight of the year: Andrew Lloyd Webber (below) eating jellied eels. Even now the horror lingers. Those cold dead eyes, that oily sheen, the rubber-like flesh...

And, let me tell you, the eels were just as frightening.

Why was he doing it? To mark the Nancies' trip to an East End market to learn Cockney rhyming slang. And what a load of old Tommy Tank that turned out to be.

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Still, the ensuing Lloyd Webber fish feast did draw this barely necessary admission from Graham Norton: "Don't worry, I've got some mince in my pocket."

Oh, I see. Mints.

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You're Liar'd!

ANOTHER mildly diverting week at THE APPRENTICE despite my sneaking feeling that, post-Queengate, the Beeb haven't quite reined in their editing vigour.

Well, either that or Kevin and Michael were merely swapping seats for a laugh on that journey to the laundry.

Elsewhere? Ian Stringer forgot to say "ra, ra, ra" before he yelled "we're going to smash the girls".

YOU'RE FIRED Lego-head Adrian Chiles continued to claim Kevin is a Dafydd lookalike despite the fact that (as any proper LITTLE BRITAIN fan knows) he looks, talks and acts much more like Sir Bernard Chumley.

Alan Sugar revealed he hates it when his things aren't laundered properly (libel laws advise I shouldn't respond to that).

QUERY. Re Alex's wild claim that he "worked transatlantically before the age of 21". BA or Virgin?

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Comments

[christine]

Sorry cannot stand Catherine Tate !Why is she in this programme?What happened to the young girl?Surely a good looking girl would be better than this woman?Still remembering Tates face when she did not win an acting award !it was a picture !Agree they jus do not go together!Dreadful

[Andrew C]

Mr Hyland is spot on again. Tennant equates "acting" with gurning/face-pulling and Catherine Tate's performance is a high decibel version of his technique. The series' "humour" would be far better suited to C-Beebies and there are scarier adversaries In the Night Garden. Which guest villain can we expect in coming weeks - Basil Brush, perhaps? Grow up Doctor...or regenerate pronto.

[Joey Guy]

I usually agree with most stuff you say but this week you really have been off the ball.

Doctor Who was touching, funny and a fantastic opener. I thought Catherine Tate was the perfect match for David's zany Doctor.

I also thought that the return of Ricky and Bianca was great.

Also Gossip Girl, FO FO? Gossip Girl was fantastic! It was the right mix of sex, sadness, drama and fun that a TV show needs.

[Lizzie]

I loved the episode. Thought the whole sceen with the doctor and donna talking through the windows was great, and the 'run' was fab!

It is a family show and I love the fact that both me and my cousins can still watch it together and all find it great fun. Loved the little touches of calm away from the mad running about (e.g. donna talking to her grandad). The adipose were sweet, and yes I agree they will probably be on the shelves soon enough - but I will be buying one!

The whole bit with the doctor in the tardis by himself was really clever. And Tennant doesn't look jaded at all, it was just a different episode, remember he had just turnt Marthas world upside down, and Astrid had died!

Over all a fab episdoe and can't beleieve there are on ly 12 left! :(

And as for DT's sideburn - they were looking mighty fab, as was himself!

[Brian Tew]

They just do not go together at all, it's just Gran dressed up, the Doctor does not need his gran he needs a young vibrant assistant.

[richard]

WHat a fantastic double act Tennant and Tate was. Best TARDIS line up since the seventies.

Brilliant roll on next week

[Julie]

Did you really watch the opening episode or go by the clips?

This was a brilliant start to the series. And Catherine Tate got it just right, (much better than on the Runaway Bride, though I enjoyed that too). And a for being a "kiddies" programme......well ,yes, kids love it , but the point is it is a family show, and there are not too many of those about these days.

Tennant jaded? I don't think so,( though remember he had just lost his mum when those scenes were being filmed,) but I don't think we want a regeneration any time soon.